After a year of trying to start a family (with no success, obviously), and a chemical pregnancy two months ago, I decided to seek help. My OB recommended Dr. Mo, and I was lucky to get a last minute cancellation at his practice. Hank happened to be out of town for work, so I went by myself. We had a very candid conversation, and he reviewed all of our previous testing at length. The good news? We are still both totally and completely healthy, with no obvious issues that would be preventing me from getting pregnant. After an ultrasound, he even confirmed that my reproductive system is functioning a few years younger than my actual age. So why isn't it working?!
Everyone's favorite response seems to be "just relax, and it will happen then." Easier said than done, especially when age 39 is knocking on the door. The truth is (at my age), that it doesn't always happen that easy. Obviously there is a certain time of the month that it's most likely to happen, so it takes some careful observation to make sure you know when that sweet spot is. I don't think taking a few steps to monitor your cycle is going overboard. I don't even really think I've stressed out about it that much, other than being disappointed each month when it doesn't happen.
Prior to meeting with Dr. Mo, I started seeing an acupuncturist to help with managing stress. After a rough few months at work, I figured it couldn't hurt. I've also read a ton of information on acupuncture helping with your reproductive system. Since we have an acupuncturist on staff at our office wellness center, and it only costs me $10 a visit- I knew I had to give it a try. I look forward to those appointments, and I have to believe that it's doing some kind-of good for my body and mind.
I have never been much of a medicine person, and Hank and I have had strong feelings about the length we would go to to conceive a child. Those things combined made my appointment with the doctor a little overwhelming. Because of my diagnosis and good health, I'm not a candidate for any middle ground treatment like taking Clomid. I really didn't go into the appointment expecting to hear the recommendations that he gave. But I listened, took notes, and talked it all through with Hank over the weekend. We went back to the Dr. on Tuesday and formulated a plan.
Mid October we will start a cycle of Intrauterine Insemination (IUI for short). We'll do two rounds of this if necessary. If neither of those work, we'll take a little break, and then discuss doing IVF early next year. I feel really good about this plan, and so does the doctor. Even better is the fact that my insurance will cover all 3 of these procedures, should we end up having to carry out the plan in full. If none of those work, then we will be done.
Over the weekend I felt sad, disappointed and frustrated. Sad that we wouldn't be able to take a more natural approach, and disappointed that the day I find out I'm pregnant will be way more clinical than I ever imagined. I'm also frustrated that there isn't a tangible reason why it's not happening for us. Luckily I don't feel angry or jealous of all of the people I know who are pregnant, and I hope to never feel that way. Yes, I want it to happen for us. But there is no reason to be jealous.
Not knowing a ton of people who have gone through infertility issues has made it a somewhat difficult thing to talk about, and I hope to change that. There is no shame in what we're going through, and the more stories I hear, the better I feel. I'm not sure how much I'll actually write about our procedures, but this little blog is our family journal, and it has always felt like a safe place for sharing. If writing about it helps connect me to others, then all the better.
So now we get to chill out for the next 1 1/2 months, and continue to enjoy our happy little life. Our kitchen remodel is going full steam (well, after this weekend it will be), and we've got lots to do around the house. We have so much to be thankful for, and it's important to me that we just stay positive.